Minha Nova Casa esta muito maravilhoso!

My new house is wonderful! Amy and I just went to our little dependencia to get the keys, and we came upon an amazing site. There were 3 men, including the dad of the house (Sr. Francesco), painting the walls and cleaning the floors, and ensuring that everything is functioning. Then they gave us the keys, and invited us to have lunch with them! Best landlords EVER! And to make the deal sweeter, two of the nice folks at FGH are loaning us mattresses. Now, all we have to do is get a little fridge, a hot plate (there is also an outdoor coal-powered grilling bucket of some sort we can use), hang curtains, and we're set! As they say in Mozambique: Óptimo!

GO BLUE!

Twas the night before kickoff of college football season and all through Monica's dependencia, not a person was sleeping, especially me. Ok, I know that doesn't remotely rhyme. As usual, the night before kickoff, I couldn't sleep...just like Christmas Eve. But alas! IT'S GAME DAY! I wanted to fashion a cow bell this morning and play the traditional 1011 State Street Go Blue wake-up song, but I refrained out of respect for sleepy Amy...don't say I never did anything nice for you, Amers!

Today is the last day of our 3 day FGH meeting extravaganza. Tomorrow we're moving into our new home! Portuguese bootcamp is still in full force, although we have to take a day off this week to drive to Malawi in order to renew our VISAs.

Yesterday Monica (the Brazilian doctor at Inhassunge) showed me pictures of some physical findings on her patients. She sees tons of Kaposi's Sarcoma and other HIV-related illnesses. I'm really looking forward to spending time at the clinics.

Singing in the Rain

Life lesson #3: when someone encourages you to sing in the shower, they probably have malevolent intentions. I only realized this about 5 minutes into my vocal escapade, when I noticed that Amy was taping me with her camera. Friends for life.

Phrase of the day:
What I tried to say: I'm going to boil water for coffee.
What I actually said: I'm going to burn down the kitchen.

Batucas and Bats in the Belfry

I finally made it to mass. It's freaky how much the Cathedral in Quelimane looks like Our Lady of the Concrete (St. Francis de Sales), in Muskegon. Picture St. Francis but replace the organ with drums (batucas....although I don't know how it's actually spelled). Then pepper in the occasional squeak from the bats who perch on the high concrete ceiling, and you've got mass in Mozambique! Everything was the same as mass in the USA, except that communion was total chaos. No order or method, just get in line whenever the spirit moves you.

Went to the ATM today to get money to pay rent, but the line was ridiculous. And one thing I've noticed about lines in Africa, is that there are no rules. Everyone cuts. Nobody stands single file. And yet, nobody seems to mind--except me.

The Universality of Elitism

First and foremost, Amy and I have found a place to live!!! We're renting a little dependencia about a block away from the FGH office here in Quelimane. It's very common for houses to have a small living quarters behind their home, which is often occupied by the empregada (maid). It is very clean and secure and wonderful! Two bedrooms, a kitchen, bathroom, living room, and a hallway that faces outside and joins all of the rooms. It costs 6,000 metacais a month, which is about $240 a month...divided by two. AND it includes water. Of course, we don't have hot water. But that's ok! The summer will be starting soon and I'm sure we'll be loving cold showers at that time. It's also very close to the loja de sorvette (ice cream shop) and Catholic church. So I can feed by belly and soul!

Life lesson #2: elitism knows no boundries. Normally, bedtime consists of Amy and I curled up under our mosquito nets, telling bedtime ghost stories or fairy tales. But last night we were laughing so hard, our bellies hurt! We have become the target of American ex-pat hypocritical academic elitism and snobbery. I thought people like this only existed around college campuses and buildings of higher education. But alas, we have discovered that this subset of "glass half empty" people exist in rural Africa as well. Who knew?!

I need to qualify this by saying that the VAST majority of people we've met here have been wonderful and are extremely supportive of our projects. But we've discovered a smattering of Americans who think that our arrival in Mozambique has ushered in the destruction of their little utopia. Yes, two pig-tail and baseball hat wearing girls are treated like the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse.

For example, when we are around these people in large groups, they make sure to let Amy and I know how smart they are. They also ask us unfriendly questions disguised as pleasant conversation like, "so, why exactly are you here?" "do you really think you'll be proficient in the language enough to carry out your research or are you expecting other people to do the work?" "do you really believe you understand the intricacies of the culture and villages in order to be culturally sensitive and effective with your studies?" "what are your thoughts on PEPFAR/president Bush's allocation of funds to a limited range of NGO's as opposed to giving the (insert my thought: semi-corrupt and quasi-unstable) African governments control of the (insert my thought: American tax payer's) money?"

At first, Amy and I attempted to give thoughtful responses, or honest responses like, "I don't know." But that just brought a smirk to their faces and they consequently dismissed us as being unworthy or unfit to be in Moz, doing what we're doing. So, Amy and I have decided the best way to fight elitist bullies is to resort to sarcasm and absurdity. This is why we were laughing till we cried...we came up with an arsenal of responses.

Question: Why exactly are you here?
Answer:
-We heard Mozambique has great beaches!
-Because coconut milk does wonders for my complection.
-I wanted to see which sunblock works best: Hawaiian Tropic, Banana Boat, or Coppertone.

Question: Do you really think you'll be proficient in the language enough to carry out your research or are you expecting other people to do the work?
Answer:
-It only took me 4 days to learn Mandarin, so I'm anticipating that Portuguese is no problem.
-I was Portuguese in a past life.
-I have no intention to bother with another language. Do you think I could hire a translator/pool boy?

Question: what are your thoughts on PEPFAR/president Bush's allocation of funds to a limited range of NGO's as opposed to giving the African governments control of the money?
Answer:
-Is PEPFAR like PETA?
-Is Bush still president? When is the next election anyhow?

August 21, 2008

Happy Quelimane day! Festa! Dia de feria! Yesterday was a holiday in Quelimane, and consequently, the internet decided to take a vacation. This proved to be troublesome because yesterday was the first time my parents and I attempted to skype call each other. I was able to briefly hear my mom and dad’s voices. And with many crackles and broken words, I heard my dad’s first words to me, after waving bye to me as I boarded a plane at O’Hare on August 3rd…“you better watch what you say on that blog!” Ah yes, even from thousands of miles away, my dad is disciplining me. To all my little cousins who are reading this: IT NEVER ENDS. Your parents never stop being your parents and they will attempt to guide you and discipline you throughout your entire life.

That being said, I want to assure everyone in my wonderful family that my little online diary here is for people of all ages, although may contain some questionable content. Although I will attempt to sensor the material to make it suitable for my favorite little cousins, I’m trying to keep it fairly honest and convey what life is like here. In other words, the language will be appropriate and the content will be edited, but might not be suitable for children of all ages. For example, I briefly wrote about going to a hidden bar just outside of the city. It was a VERY eye-opening experience and I attempted to convey a little bit about this without scaring the kiddies. It was culturally interesting on many levels, and I thought I did a decent job at making it appropriate, but according to Snuffy, I missed the mark. One more thing about blog content: I have a link to Amy’s blog which is NOT edited for content. It’s delightfully entertaining but is not targeted towards the younger crowd. That’s my disclaimer.

Anyway, here’s what Amy and I have been up to: We spend our days studying Portuguese and harassing the Vanderbilt IRB and Mozambican Ministry of Health. We’ve been meeting with people about our projects and are hoping to have it finalized soon. Troy and Mohsin have recruited a Mozambican pharmacy student who is interested in adherence, to work with me on my portion of the project. Meanwhile, Amy and I have intense Portuguese bootcamp with Olivia until the second week of September….after which, we’re on our own. Then we’ll begin piloting our studies, most likely at Inhassunge, a jungle-ish type clinic about an hour south of here.

Amy’s amazing Portuguese phrase of the day:
Me to Amy: Please translate, “Esta rua e muito barulhenta”
Amy: The moon is very shiny. (Esta lua e muito brilhante)
Me: OR, “this road is very loud.”
--I give her an A for effort. Other great phrases of recent days involved us asking for separate checks, which roughly translated into, “We need you have separate bills.” We’re kind of frustrated at the moment.

Last night we attended African dance class, held in the backyard of Dr. Paulo three nights a week. It was just Amy and I plus the two instructors. One teaches the moves while the other plays the drums. They unroll these giant mats and we take off our shoes and dance under the African stars while they play the drums. The class ends up being a cross between traditional African dancing and yoga. I look completely ridiculous because I have two left feet and am about as flexible as a chunk of steel. Despite these obvious shortcomings, we enjoyed ourselves immensely!

Lesson of the day: wash your undies on a daily basis. This was made apparent to me today by Regina, the lovely empregada who works here at Michele’s house (where we are currently staying). Yesterday I washed two weeks worth of undies and hung them up on the line to dry. Regina kindly pointed out to me that it’s not becoming of a lady to hang up 14 pairs of panties, and that it is much better to wash your undies at the end of the day and then hang them up one at a time, in an attempt to be discrete. I explained to her that I had always used a washing machine, and what we do in the USA is save up our laundry until the basket is full and we can do a load of clothes. She then said something that roughly translated into, “good luck finding a washing machine in Quelimane.”

On a final note, we met tons-o-peace corps volunteers this week. They flocked to FGH in Quelimane for their quarterly meeting. About 5 or 6 delightful people who are doing interesting projects throughout various districts in Zambézia Province.

Homeless

Our house hunting continues. Yesterday we saw two places. One was a two bedroom apartment near the Cathedral. It was fine except for the fact that it doesn't have running water from 10am-3pm every day. The second place we looked at was a dependencia behind a big two-story white house. It was completely fenced in and quite secure. Running water, but no hot water. No stove, so we'd have to get a hot plate. But it has an amazing front hallway that would be perfect to ride scooters down! We're hoping to move in there but our contact person is out of town for a couple days so we're back in limbo.

Smorgasbord

By Kate
The occurrences of the past couple days in no particular order:

1. On Friday, went to an ex-pat bar on the river. It's a brackish inlet from the Indian Ocean called Rio dos Bons Sinais (the river of good signs). Legend has it, Vasco De Gamma landed at Quelimane right where a big old tree stands now.

2. Which brings me to my second thought: does anyone know how I can post my pictures as a slideshow on this website? What online photo sharing thingy should I use? If any of my technologically-savvy friends has the answer to this, could you be a peach and email me? Thanks!

3. After the ex-pat bar, we went with the FGH crew to a bar called "Savannah." It's on the outskirts of town, tucked away in a village. We pulled up to a gate where two guys asked us to pay cover, as well as asked us who we know inside. We told them we were meeting friends who were already there, and they accepted this as a sufficient answer. Then the gates magically opened to reveal a hidden outdoor Mozambican night club. We got out of the car and Amy summed it up best by saying, "well, it's been nice knowing you." It was interesting to say the least. Mozambican and Angolan dance music. A bathroom that consisted of two rooms...one with what was kind of a toilet but more like a bucket that opened into a hole in the ground...and an adjoining room that was covered in a thin and vomit-provoking layer of human waste. I was a little concerned about cholera, but the doctors we were with informed us that they only see outbreaks of cholera during the rainy season (November-March). So I've got that going for me, which is nice. We survived the evening unscathed.

4. Went to a beach called Zalala--a most enjoyable word to say. Rode in the trunk of Janeen's SUV. It was like riding in an old station wagon backwards. A great way to see the country. It was beautiful! It was like driving through an endless sea of palm trees. The beach was lovely as well. Tons of sea shells, crabs, fishermen bringing in their latest catch, and warm murky water. I think it's technically called the Straits of Madagascar. This is the place where I have the best chance of befriending Somali pirates.

5. Discovered that everything is better with coconut. Coconut ice cream. Coconut rice. Coconut chicken. Also tried a hot salsa they have here called piri-piri. It's dynamite! Went to a backyard BBQ at one of the FGH people's houses and learned how to dissect and eat crabs. OH! And we had a rockin' lunar eclipse!

6. Speaking of lunar eclipse, the stars here are amazing! I could star gaze every night and not get bored! Last night was a full moon. You know when you're watching an old horror movie and werewolves are howling at the moon? Yeah, it was like that. Along with the usual sound of dogs barking and fighting, we heard the freaky howls of what I imagine to be a rabid werewolf.

7. Amy and I are going to look at a house today. It's called a "dependencia," which is a small house behind a big house....sort of like the maid's quarters. We might rent one. 2 bedrooms, one bathroom, $200 a month (5000 metacais). Not bad says I! Maybe we'll even have space to get a couple galinhas (chickens).

8. Got an email from the financial guy at FGH in Nashville. They've received all of Bushie's mosquito net money and are currently transferring it into an account through Vanderbilt's donation department, which will then be wired to an account in Quelimane. Amy and I can't wait! I can't thank you all enough for supporting Bushie's mosquito net project!

Oi! Cara de boi! Ten queijo em sua queixo!

Translation: Hey cow face! You have cheese on your chin!....probably my favorite Portuguese phrase.

sippin on gin and litchi, laid back, with my mind on my metacais and my metacais on my mind

the Mozambican take on gin and juice: gin and litchi juice. Litchi has been one of my great discoveries. It's fantastic! And a little info on the metacais (pronounced meta-k-eye-sh)...I'm trying to wrap my mind around that fact that it's not just monopoly money. 25MT = $1. And it's best to use ATM's here at the beginning of the month, because by the end, they usually run out of money.

The eagle flies at midnight, the rooster crows at 3am

We are in Quelimane! It's a wonderful little tropical town with tons of palm trees, coconuts, marvelous tree-lined streets, fresh fish markets, feral dogs that scrap like its world war III, and a friendly neighborhood rooster who crows every morning at 3am. I know what you're thinking..."maybe the sun rises at 3am." I assure you it doesn't. And this "galo" as they say in Portuguese must be stopped. Amy and I have three options: kill the rooster, relocate the rooster, or feed him melatonin in an attempt to reset his internal clock so he begins crowing at a reasonable hour, like 7am.

I recall an incident that occurred 3 weeks ago, one brisk evening on the beautiful shore of Lake Michigan. A certain John Egan told me to jump in the 57 degree lake stating, "you can look back on this when you're sweating in the jungles of southeast Africa." Well, turns out that it's still winter here, the weather is beautiful (in the 70s), and we don't have hot water. So every night is like jumping into the Big Lake. Had I known this, I would have backed down from Egan's dare.

Our project is coming along nicely! Amy and I are spending our mornings harassing the Vanderbilt IRB and Mozambique Ministry of Health. Our afternoons involve attending Olivia's Portuguese bootcamp. By the end of the day, I feel like I've been flogged with a Portuguese dictionary.

We've met wonderful people including a Brazilian doctor who runs the clinic at Inhassunge, a Spanish doctor who runs the clinic in Gile, and various staff here at FGH. And let me tell you, these people are connected! One of our advisors is BFF with the president of Mozambique. Another guy can pretty much move mountains with a single phone call...we suspect he's either related to Spanish royalty or is in the Spanish mafia. So Amy and I have compiled a list of FANTASTIC emergency contacts! If there is a coup or I'm wrongly imprisoned or I want to wire money into a Swiss bank account under an alias...I'm totally set!

In other news, I'm going to be an uncle! Sarah and Adrian are having a boy!

On the launch pad

We are about to leave for the Maputo airport, on our way to Quelimane. We met Dr. Troy and Dr. Emelio. Found out that Quelimane is the rat capitol of Mozambique. But fear not, Troy assured us that we'll think of rats as squirrels in no time!

Use your words

By: Kate, August 9
The day began with Amy and I getting yelled at on the street. Some guy wanted to get our attention so he yelled, "hey whites!" He then proceeded to chat with us about life as we strolled down the street. Very pleasant guy. He especially enjoyed when I told him to have a bom fin de semana. He reminded us of when Borat was talking to the feminists and said, "hey pussycats, why you no smile for me, eh?"

Walked around town and found the Igreja Catolica (catholic church). Got capolinas (wrappy dresses that I love so much) at "casa elefante." Studied vocab and played a game of trivial pursuit. Decided that when I say, "cabeleireiro," I sound like a car engine that won't start. And when Amy says, "maravilhoso," she sounds like she's choking on marbles.

Profound thought....the sequel

What is instant coffee? How does regular coffee become instant coffee? Does it have the same caffeine content as brewed coffee? I realize these questions are on par with my "what is nougat" question. In a way, instant coffee is my new nougat. Delicious and mysterious.

We got schooled!

By: Kate, August 8
Amy and I were invited by Mohsin to sit in on one of his lectures to the 2nd year med students. It was like being back at Vanderbilt! Before class, a handful of girls pointed and laughed when we walked by them. Amy thought they were making fun of my dress--but when we looked up the word they said, we found out they said, "padlock." Which was a snarky comment about the giant lock on Amy's backpack. Then as we stood in the hallway surrounded by med student clicks, a friendly face approached us and offered us help. "You lost?" he said in broken English. We explained that we know Dr. Sidat and we'll be attending his class. The boy smiled and walked away. What a kind Samaritan, we thought! Our opinion changed a minute later when he started shushing everyone in the hall. Yep, he's the class shusher. One of the brown-nosers. Sits front and center in class and constantly raises his hand.

There was also the front row girl who nods her head all through lecture and engages the professor in one-on-one conversations like there aren't 105 other people in the room. There's the girl who volunteers to write on the board (act as scribe) during discussions. And there's the guy who helps set up the computer and troubleshoots lecture I.T. problems. There was the back row that only half paid attention. There's the girl towards the front who kept turning around and glaring at people.

He introduced us, handed us the microphone and told us to say something...so naturally we stood there beet red, sweating, while the mic made that awful feedback noise.

A friendly guy turned to us and said, "tell me about your childhood." Obviously the future psychiatrist.

And what would a med school class be without the people who take notes on everything that is said or written on the board, like they are recording the only history that will sustain the test of time. A medical papyrus or dead sea scrolls. 6,000 years from now, people will discover the relics of a lecture amphitheater and a handful of rotting pages with the krebs cycle etched into it. They'll probably call our species Anal Retentivites--a descendant of Homo Sapien.

Whether in Nashville or Maputo, med students are exactly the same!

Profound thought of the day...

Instant coffee really isn't that terrible. In fact, it's kind of growing on me. The only thing that freaks me out is powdered creamer. It doesn't dissolve really well in the instant coffee. And I think it might be carcinogenic.

Boa tarde!

By Kate:
After a series of long flights and layovers, we arrived safe and sound in Maputo on Tuesday Morning, August 5th! Air India got us over the pond with a little help from some curry chicken and Indian comedies as our in-flight entertainment. British Airways ushered us down the continent of Africa while we indulged in tea (with cream and sugar...in honor of the Brits), and a couple fantastic movies. "Son of Rambow" was excellent, capped off with "The Big Lebowski."

Our first two Portuguese challenges were a total flop. A woman at the airport in Johannesburg asked us if we could translate between English and Portuguese for her and a customer. We didn't even attempt it. And then two business men traveling to Maputo asked us if we "fala" ...aka do we speak Portuguese. At which point Amy starts yelling "falo! falo!" while I stumbled over a phrase that roughly translated into, "me would like more ice creams." I'm chalking that up to sleep deprivation. But we did manage to navigate from the airport to the hotel, which was a personal victory.

After surviving Tuesday and Wednesday in a complete jet-lagged haze, we're finally being productive today. Had a wonderful meeting this morning with Dr. Mohsin Sidat, who is helping us finalize our proposals and get research approval from the Mozambique Ministry of Health ethics committee. We have a lot of work to do over the next couple days, before heading up to Quelimane.

Oh! And Amy got hexed at an ATM. It was hilarious! Some witchdoctor looking guy came up to her and looked like he was going to make the sign of the cross on her, but kind of mumbled something, made a gesture, and then walked away. It was great!